I Need To Make a New Friend

I’ve been watching a show on Amazon Prime called ‘3 Caminos’ about 5 strangers who become friends while walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. What used to be a pilgrimage of 800 kms in ancient times to the tomb of St. James, today attracts people from across the world to walk either in its entirety or to cover a portion of it. 

A few years ago when I was planning my trip to Spain, this was something I really wanted to do for a week, which would of course only be about 1/5th of the actual walk. As exciting as it seemed, I didn’t end up doing it because I was nervous about being in a new country and walking the distance by myself.

The past year has been difficult for most of us in so many ways. While I really have nothing to complain about having work that I love, family and friends around me and all the comforts that I could want, I go through days feeling incredibly restless for adventure, for seeing places and for meeting new people. 

I put the show on pause so I could write the following lines and share them with you in poetry form. A form that I’ve rarely written in. 

An overwhelming feeling went thru my heart

For something new, for an interesting start

To create a story and make a new friend

The beginning of something and memories to tend

An adventure for me to come across and explore

In a place I’ve never gone, never been to before

I want to make a new friend

Who laughs easily or even drops a tear

Unafraid to follow his heart

Goes thru life without a fear

I want to make a new friend

In a bar that I happen to find

Exchanging stories over a beer

Filled with wealth of a different kind

In a place that I don’t live in

In a place I only have in my mind

I want to make a new friend

Sing songs at a karaoke

Or silently listen to the sounds of the sea

I want to make a new friend

With someone who is most unlike me

Leading a life that I’ve never known

In a place that I don’t live in

In a place I’d like to be shown

This isn’t the life I choose to know

The smile behind the mask

We’re afraid to show

You may be happy within your home

With people you love

And people you’ve known

But I need to make a new friend

A friend I’ve never met before

In a place that I don’t live in

In a place that I so wish to go

Accepting 2020

Dec 31st, 2020

It’s finally December 31st, 2020. A year that has created a lot of havoc in our lives. The kind of havoc that has consumed us every single day and quite obviously something that I don’t need to get into. A year that all of humanity has wanted to end so desperately, as if it was the year that has caused this turmoil and not us humans. 

Several months ago when the virus made an appearance and we were under ‘lockdown’ (definitely a word that has never been used as much in all my living years collectively as it has in 2020), social media began getting filled with very creative videos and posts where people in the future talked about how, after the pandemic, humans became a kinder, more loving and caring breed, how they realised what their real priorities in life were etc. None of that has happened of course - we are still greedy for money, power/fame hungry and as racist and sexist as ever. Sorry to disappoint you, future humans!

As most of you are aware, travel is what I live for and 2020 has obviously been the year of least travel. I did manage to sneak in a couple of small trips to places that were within driving distance, even made it to the beach for a few hours. However, I don’t consider any of it real travel and accepted that I wasn’t going anywhere for a while. Acceptance is important as it calms you down considerably. I stopped fantasising about my future trips, as while we need something to look forward to, it also makes us frustrated, anxious and impatient about them not turning into reality as the days go by. 

If I could pick one learning from this year, it would have to be ‘acceptance’. This pandemic has proved to us that we can make all the plans we want but there is only so much that is within our control. 2020 showed us that a much larger plan was in the works that eventually affected all of us, leaving us with no option but to accept. It was up to us to whine and bitch and complain all through the acceptance. Or make peace and go along with it. 

Yesterday I was speaking to a dear friend who is a lot more social than I am (yes it’s possible) and wants his old life back of hanging out with his hundreds of close friends! On the other hand, I feel like I’ve got into this groove where I meet my friends and family a lot less than I used to, but still enough to feel energised and satisfied. And while I’m not a lover of routine, I feel fortunate to be someone with enough interests that make each day different from the previous one, even if it is in a small way. A lot of this has happened because I accepted the situation and focussed on today without thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. We’ve heard about the present being our present enough times. It’s only lately that I’ve truly begun experiencing it and realising that living in the present can actually be pretty damn cool, even within the confines of our current limitations. 

Yes this year has been extremely harsh with death, disease, job losses and many more struggles. So for those of us that have made it this far, we really do have much to be thankful for and to keep ourselves going. If we think about it, each one of us can come up with a list of blessings that were favoured upon us. As the calendar year changes, let the previous year be a reminder of the many lessons that we’ve learned and how they will help us become stronger and hopefully better people in the future. Let us not forget, even for a moment, how fortunate each one of us is in so many ways.

So as I sign out, wishing every one of you health and peace in all the coming years, I’ll end with a little quote that I made up about how it’s eventually up to us to make our lives better.

Let the Past make you smile 

Let the Future keep you excited 

And most importantly

Let the Present make you shine

Each one of us can do our bit to make the world, our world a better place. Happy 2021 and much love!

I'll Have Another Adventure (To Go) Please

Who would have thought that a time would come when almost everybody across the globe would pretty much be living the same life, masked in some kind of viral terror, wanting for human contact and appreciative but tired of having to depend upon technology to get through the day. Welcome to life in the times of covid-19.

In India, as we enter into the fourth month of this new way of life, I am wondering how I will get through the next who-knows-how-many-more-months before life returns to the way I have seemingly recklessly lived it. Yes recklessly hugging my family and friends, sharing food out of the same plate, crammed into a car, shaking hands with people I’ve never met before, travelling without a care - is life as we knew it only in the past now?

When the lockdown began, I really didn’t give it much thought. I was grateful that unlike 4 years ago when I was recovering from an accident that had me laid up in bed, I was able to move around and take care of myself. I began cooking new and fun dishes, the camera came out of its bag after a couple of years and within the limitations of my confine I took so many photographs, I wrote short pieces and sent them out to my contacts on the phone, I began my vocal lessons using YouTube - the days were flying by. Until the enthusiasm died and I didn’t care about what I ate, ran out of subjects to photograph, couldn’t think of anything to write and stopped singing. I desperately needed to go on a trip but while I had begun stepping out of my home and meeting a person or two here and there, spending an hour or so at the mostly empty cafe, I was aware that I wasn’t going anywhere further. 

Each time I start to feel low, I begin thinking about how my life has been so full of adventure. Sometimes I feel like I have lived so many different lives in just this one, with the best memories of growing up in Calcutta, building my career amongst the most wonderful people I came across in Chicago, my return to the motherland in a whole new city, Bangalore, the love affair with New York City, living up on a high rise in Hong Kong followed by a higher rise in the mountainous state of Himachal. 

With the close shaves I’ve had with death, I’ve never believed in having a ‘bucket list’ - if there was a place I wanted to visit, there was no waiting to do it. I’ve never planned too far ahead - a few months at the most and in the past 3 years - it probably has been no more than 2 months. Having chosen to retire at a younger age and being single, I had the freedom to do things without having to wait, uncaring about how many vacation days I had left and because I rarely travelled lavishly, without having to worry about whether I could afford it.

Every travel adventure I have had has the people I met associated with it. Like there was this time in Granada, Spain when I was walking around with a map, no data on my phone, completely lost. A young girl travelling from the US, equally lost, also not speaking a word of Spanish, ended up spending the afternoon with me, having lunch at a charming Turkish restaurant and finding our way back to our respective Airbnb’s. Or the artist that was selling his paintings at San Marco Square in Venice, who, after exchanging many laughs together, took me to his favourite pizzeria for dinner. Or the quirky camel rider in Jaisalmer, who invited me to his home in the middle of the desert to meet his family and who I am still in touch with on a regular basis. 

How can I not be thankful for the adventure of starting a cafe from scratch, the freedom to run it the way I want, without the financial worry? For being a part of the short film that I had a hand in. Sometimes I feel like I’m the luckiest person with life having given all kinds of opportunities to do the things that I used to always fantasise about.

These stories and so many, many more have given me the most heartwarming memories that can actually help me get through the rest of my days. There is absolutely nothing I would change about my past, including the accidents, a life threatening illness, being almost pushed out of a running train and being a hostage in a bank robbery, as every one of those experiences has changed my life in positive ways. 

Thanks to my semi-vagabond lifestyle that has had me believe that my home is where I am at the present time, I feel all the more restless and imprisoned. Making it even more important to keep the memories of all these adventures alive and hoping that things will get back to the way they were. Where I can once again eat a meal with a stranger sitting just two feet away, where I can breathe without a mask on, where I can leave the house without worrying about getting sick. 

I hope that each and every one of you, who is most likely leading a life very similar to mine, is able to stay happy, to drive away any anxiety that you may be experiencing from time to time, to appreciate all that you have now, the life you’ve lived so far and to believe that you and the rest of us will come out of this stronger and a better version of ourselves. 

Who knows what life has in store but I am certainly ready for a new adventure. An adventure that is a lot less restricting than this current one.

The Dying Art of Eating without Guilt

Quite honestly, I’m super tired of conversations revolving around what people are not eating. 

“17 days of no sugar” (as I’m on my second chocolate tart)

“I’ve given up gluten” (where's my toasted sour dough bread with loads of butter?)

“It’s my 1 year anniversary of turning vegan” (are we celebrating that now?)

“No carbs for me please” (no rice? what do I eat my curry with then?)

Imagine going for a meal with one of these people (I hope my vegetarian-turned-vegan-off-gluten friends aren’t reading this). I’ve learned the hard way to not get annoyed though, by pretending that I’m at the table by myself. In fact I’ve now made it a fun activity by ordering all the ‘wrong’ things when I’m with the people eating ‘right’. 

I have to say that, having grown up with parents with healthy habits (more dad than mom), such as eating early, consuming balanced, mostly vegetarian meals, lectures at the table when we kids would refuse to eat something that didn’t taste good but was good for us … you get the gist, I’ve been brainwashed into eating right most of the time. 

‘Most of the time’ is the key phrase here. There was the usual cheating with deep fried foods, desserts (Bengali sweets are healthy is what we believed) etc. Eating out was never healthy - you ate what you desired without a second thought. Ice-cream sundaes and Flury’s cakes were not frowned upon. Binge eating happened at the big festivals and birthdays. My parents lived fairly healthy and long lives until almost the end. 

The other day this girl, who’s a regular at the cafe and who is always careful about what she eats, said to me.

“I’ve been fantasising about your carrot pineapple cake for weeks now,” she said.

“So what’s stopping you from eating it?” I asked.

It was the calories, the sugar, the cream cheese frosting that looked so decadent.

I thought about it for a second, wanting to somehow convince her to eat it. 

“Well,” I started off saying. “I’m not going to push you to order it but if you do decide to, it’s very important that you eat it with a 100% pleasure and 0% guilt. Otherwise it just won’t taste good.”

She laughed and asked if I would sit with her while she ate it. It may sound like a strange request but I totally got it. Pretending however, to not have got it, I looked at her questioningly. 

“If you sit with me, it’ll be a constant reminder of what you just said about eating without guilt,” she said to me. 

“How about I join you with a slice of my own?” I asked, suddenly wanting cake.

Her eyes lit up. “That would be awesome!”

A second later she added, “I’m paying for your slice too.”

I laughed and asked her why she would do that.

“You’re eating that cake to help me enjoy my slice more. It’s only fair that it should be my treat. I absolutely insist.”

So we ordered an extremely generous slice of cake each and savoured each bite together.

“I’ll never forget this cake,” she said as she licked her spoon. “It’s been a while since I ate dessert without guilt.”

“Tastes a lot better, doesn’t it?” It was a rhetorical question of course. The pleasure on her face was telling me all. 

While writing this, I got really hungry and decided to treat myself to a bacon and cheese frittata. 

Yeah I know it’ll kill me. Just like living will. 

2018 - The Year that Was

Each time we enter into a new calendar year, we tend to reflect upon the one that just went by. Or at least I do. And my verdict for 2018 is that personally, it was a pretty good year for me. I ended the past year with my friends in Kolkata, with laughter, food and travel and began this year with a minor surgery, left over from the accident I had a couple of years ago and something I had been putting off for a while. 

Bringing in the new year with friends

This information was shared with you, not to get sympathy or attention (honestly!) but to talk a little about how working on my mind the past 2 years has helped me to treat the entire hospital episode as just another day (or two) in my life. Of course, the fact that it was a minor surgical procedure helped but it’s never fun to be in an institution where everyone is broken or ill. Or being under the knife. Thankfully I stayed calm through the two days earlier this week, slept like a baby (without aid) and enjoyed the surprisingly good hospital food!

Now going back to last year - it really was a landmark year of sorts for me as I officially got into the ‘feeding’ industry. When I met Ranjeet almost exactly a year ago at the Kolkata airport, I honestly did not think that I would be running a brand new cafe, with so much of ‘me’ in it. While I’ve always enjoyed cooking, feeding and taking culinary lessons, it was always treated as a hobby. In 2018 it became more than that.

Close to my heart - Terra Bites

Cooking for family and friends, and cooking for strangers who are paying for their meals, is like night and day. The former will always appreciate whatever you lay out in front of them, many people from the latter group will try and find fault with everything. Believe me when I tell you that it’s really hard to be judged constantly. 

Thankfully and knock on wood, the response by and large has been fantastic. There will always be some I won’t please, regardless of what I do but as long as I’m seeing happy faces leave the cafe, many of who are returning often, I am nothing short of thrilled. That’s all I’m going to say about it right now because although I’m working on eliminating fear from my mind, I am still afraid to jinx it!! 

Besides the cafe, the year also had me being involved in a story I had written that a friend of mine, Aditya, wanted to turn into a short film. Writing the screenplay together and then being a part of the shoot was an experience that has made me understand films from a completely different perspective. Hopefully the movie will be released for all of you to watch sometime in the early part of this year. 

Coming soon - Fingers crossed!

Although I travelled a fair amount, it took a little bit of a backseat due to these other activities. After three years I went back to my favourite place, Ladakh, and got close to the mountains that I so dearly love. A trip to Varkala during the devastating floods in Kerala, made me realise once again how vulnerable we are to losing our lives. 

Ah Ladakh! How I had missed you

And I have to thank this vulnerability, that I experienced all through 2016, for helping me turn my life around. To do the things I kept putting off, where I can proudly say that I’ve mostly overcome this disease called procrastination. Where into my middle ages I feel like I’m starting life once again, being thankful for every opportunity to learn, grow and enjoy from what life throws my way. My goal for this year is to forget the meaning of fear. 

Once upon a time, when I was a young boy, my dad had my palm read by an ‘expert’. While I have no recollection of what he predicted from those lines, the one thing that (strangely) stayed with me was that I would become famous in the food industry. I’ve always wondered why this piece of information made such an impact, even at that age, that I never forgot about it. And although I have no interest in fame, I think I would like to feed more people and have them appreciate and enjoy what comes out of a kitchen that I may run. 

None of us know what’s in store for us this year, this month, tomorrow or even the next moment. I’ve given up making plans for the future and have never believed in having a bucket list. The future is now and the bucket is going to get kicked in any case. Make the most of the present and have a rocking 2019!

Conversations - Remembering and Forgetting

Hey, what's going on?

Don't ask dude ....

Too late. Already asked

I'm cleaning out my closet

(laughs)

That doesn't sound like you at all

I found these jeans I had completely forgotten about

(pauses)

And guess what?

They still fit you perfectly

Hehe they do

That’s hardly a surprise. I don’t think you’ve gained even an ounce since college

(pauses)

Sooooo ….

Do you want to catch a movie this afternoon?

I can’t

Why not?

I promised myself I wasn’t going to step out of the house until I was done cleaning

Come on …

No seriously. I’ve just been putting this off for too long. I have no space left in my closet

How long does it take to clean out a closet?

Oh man. You have no idea. You should come see the mess

Should I?

No!!!!! Absolutely not!!!!!!

(laughs)

Why? What are you hiding in those closets?

Too many skeletons 

(pauses)

And it’s time for them to go!

Do I know any of these skeletons?

I’m not saying ….

Seriously … when will you be done?

Maybe we can catch up in the evening

No dude. Today is pretty much out of the question.

Cleaning sucks. Especially when you have no idea what needs to stay and what needs to go

I could help you decide

Nope

That was rude! You could at least pretend that I could be of help

Haven’t you known me long enough to know that I don’t pretend?

You've known me long enough to give me a peek into your closet

Okay I know this pink top is definitely going. No brainer

I didn’t think pink was your colour

It was a gift. And now it’s spent enough time taking space

(pauses)

You know what the problem with me is?

That’s a long list. Where would you like me to start?

Asshole!

Okay so what is the problem with you?

The problem is that most of what I have has a memory attached to them. Half the stuff I don’t even wear anymore

And so you can’t get rid of most of the stuff?

I guess I can. It just makes me nervous to lose those memory associations

So what are you saying?

I’m not sure

(pauses)

I’m a little afraid to forget possibly ...

But maybe it’s time to move on

Maybe it is. But how do I know for sure?

You don’t know for sure. Nobody knows for sure. But we make a decision to discard and move on.

Also, you didn’t tell me what the problem with you is?

Maybe I’m not ready to discard and move on. Maybe I want to keep holding on to those memories

For the rest of your life?

That's a little extreme, don't you think? 

(pauses)

How about until the next time I decide to clean out my closet

I have a feeling we'll be having the same conversation then too

You don't know that

How about you categorise the memories and get rid of some associations today?

How about you let me figure out what I need to do?

You’re being weird now

I am, right? I guess I’m getting rid of the jeans

The ones you can still fit into?

Yup. Those jeans

But why? If you can still wear them ….

That’s not the important part. The important thing is to move on

I want to check out your closets once you’re done

You’ll be surprised. They’ll be a lot emptier than you would expect

Conversations - One Isn't a Lonely Number

Hey, I’ve been trying to reach you for a while

Really? The phone’s right next to me

Are you home?

No. I was supposed to meet this friend at a cafe close to home. But he had to cancel at the last moment

So where are you then?

At the cafe

Alone?

No. There are actually quite a few people here

You know that’s not what I’m asking

Yes I’m here by myself

Smartass

(pauses)

So why are you still there if this ‘friend’ didn’t show up?

Why shouldn’t I be?

Isn’t it weird?

Isn’t what weird?

(sighs)

To be alone … I mean ‘by yourself’ at a cafe. Don’t you feel like a loser?

And why are you being so difficult?

I’m not being difficult. I’m just trying to understand what the issue is.

Is it because I’m a woman?

Well … I wouldn’t go to a cafe by myself. It’s usually a place to hang out with someone over a coffee or something

Actually, I’m looking around me and there are 4 other single person tables

Four more weirdos

Have you considered that maybe you’re the weird one?

If I went to a cafe by myself, I’d be uncomfortably staring at my phone the entire time.

Is that what you’re doing?

Kinda hard to stare at my phone and speak to you at the same time.

But then you’re probably the guy who can’t watch a movie in the theatre by himself.

Absolutely not! Can you?

I do it all the time

You watch movies alone?

By myself, yes. I prefer it that way

How come I didn’t know this about you until now?

Maybe because you love to talk about yourself all the time?

That wasn’t very nice. Maybe true. But not nice

(laughs)

Shall I come over?

Why? To rescue me?

You sound like you could use some company

Actually I’m having a really good time, hanging out by myself. 

You should try it sometime

No way! So what were you doing before I called?

Waiting for you to call!

Really?

No idiot. Not really!

I was drinking my chai, having a slice of cake and thinking about stuff

What kind of stuff?

Stuff that I’d rather not share with you

Why not? Who would you rather share them with

They’re private thoughts. I’d rather not share them with anyone actually

What kind of private thoughts?

Private thoughts that I don’t want to share. Remember?

So how long are you going to be there?

Until I’m done thinking

Tell me where you are. I want to come think with you

Only on one condition

What?

We’ll do our thinking at separate tables