Accepting 2020

Dec 31st, 2020

It’s finally December 31st, 2020. A year that has created a lot of havoc in our lives. The kind of havoc that has consumed us every single day and quite obviously something that I don’t need to get into. A year that all of humanity has wanted to end so desperately, as if it was the year that has caused this turmoil and not us humans. 

Several months ago when the virus made an appearance and we were under ‘lockdown’ (definitely a word that has never been used as much in all my living years collectively as it has in 2020), social media began getting filled with very creative videos and posts where people in the future talked about how, after the pandemic, humans became a kinder, more loving and caring breed, how they realised what their real priorities in life were etc. None of that has happened of course - we are still greedy for money, power/fame hungry and as racist and sexist as ever. Sorry to disappoint you, future humans!

As most of you are aware, travel is what I live for and 2020 has obviously been the year of least travel. I did manage to sneak in a couple of small trips to places that were within driving distance, even made it to the beach for a few hours. However, I don’t consider any of it real travel and accepted that I wasn’t going anywhere for a while. Acceptance is important as it calms you down considerably. I stopped fantasising about my future trips, as while we need something to look forward to, it also makes us frustrated, anxious and impatient about them not turning into reality as the days go by. 

If I could pick one learning from this year, it would have to be ‘acceptance’. This pandemic has proved to us that we can make all the plans we want but there is only so much that is within our control. 2020 showed us that a much larger plan was in the works that eventually affected all of us, leaving us with no option but to accept. It was up to us to whine and bitch and complain all through the acceptance. Or make peace and go along with it. 

Yesterday I was speaking to a dear friend who is a lot more social than I am (yes it’s possible) and wants his old life back of hanging out with his hundreds of close friends! On the other hand, I feel like I’ve got into this groove where I meet my friends and family a lot less than I used to, but still enough to feel energised and satisfied. And while I’m not a lover of routine, I feel fortunate to be someone with enough interests that make each day different from the previous one, even if it is in a small way. A lot of this has happened because I accepted the situation and focussed on today without thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. We’ve heard about the present being our present enough times. It’s only lately that I’ve truly begun experiencing it and realising that living in the present can actually be pretty damn cool, even within the confines of our current limitations. 

Yes this year has been extremely harsh with death, disease, job losses and many more struggles. So for those of us that have made it this far, we really do have much to be thankful for and to keep ourselves going. If we think about it, each one of us can come up with a list of blessings that were favoured upon us. As the calendar year changes, let the previous year be a reminder of the many lessons that we’ve learned and how they will help us become stronger and hopefully better people in the future. Let us not forget, even for a moment, how fortunate each one of us is in so many ways.

So as I sign out, wishing every one of you health and peace in all the coming years, I’ll end with a little quote that I made up about how it’s eventually up to us to make our lives better.

Let the Past make you smile 

Let the Future keep you excited 

And most importantly

Let the Present make you shine

Each one of us can do our bit to make the world, our world a better place. Happy 2021 and much love!

The Truth about Neil and Isha

This is a true story.

At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed.

Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

P.S. Nobody actually died in this story.

Yes, for those who have watched Fargo, I just finished going through Season 3 last night. Hence the hangover. Plus the names of the characters have really been changed in this true story that I’m about to tell you.

Isha and Neil met two years ago at a small dinner party that was thrown by a common friend. Well, actually Neil didn’t know this ‘common friend’ but had tagged along with Yash, who was invited to the dinner. The reason he had tagged along was that Neil was new in the city and was staying at Yash’s apartment, until he found a place of his own. This has no relevance to the story - just thought I’d throw it in for no apparent reason. 

At the dinner table, Isha and Neil sat next to each other, by which time they were reasonably well acquainted. Isha thought Neil had a certain innocence that she found endearing. Isha also found it interesting (and cute) that when Neil smiled, only the right side of his mouth moved from its original position. And she couldn’t help but admire his impeccable sense of dressing. 

Neil was instantly attracted to Isha. The moment he walked into the party, his eyes were oblivious to everyone but her. He liked her uninhibited laugh. Neil loved her really short hair and how it took nothing away from her femininity. He liked the fact that she drank whiskey and not some girlie cocktail. Isha looked like she had spent all of 10 minutes getting ready for the party and still looked fabulous. And Neil, who had been around a lot of women in his life, noticed her almost unpainted face, her classic sense of dressing and approved. 

As you may have guessed, it wasn’t long before Neil and Isha began dating. 

“Is she the one I’ve been searching for all this time?” he asked himself.

“He’s just so perfect,” she said to her friends. “I can’t believe how lucky I got.”

Barely a month into their relationship, Neil moved in with Isha. 

‘Too soon?’ he wondered.

‘It just feels so right,’ she thought.

Her light snoring was like white noise to him. Put him to sleep right away.

She loved that he made her a big breakfast every morning.

He thought her eating breakfast like a horse was adorable. 

“Most important meal of the day”, she said to him.

He also loved that she was happy to drop him to work and pick him up in the evening.

“Traffic in this city sucks. We should just Uber it,” he said.

“I don’t mind driving babe,” was her response. 

"You're adorable," he said blowing her a kiss.

"No, you are," she said with a crooked smile. 

They celebrated their first month anniversary of living together. He bought her an enormous bouquet of flowers. She bought him a dozen crimson roses. 

“They were the manliest flowers I could find. Why can’t men get flowers?” she asked.

“No reason,” he responded.

“Lets not go out,” they both decided.

They stayed in with bottles of chilled beer, pepperoni pizza, four kinds of ice-cream and jazz in the background.

“This is the best evening,” he said.

“The absolute best,” she agreed.

Five more months went by. They didn’t celebrate those monthly anniversaries any longer though.

“I don’t want us to be one of those ‘sickeningly in love’ couples,” she said.

“Pukingly in love,” he replied.

A few more months and it was their one year anniversary. However, neither of them had remembered. Waking up in the living room couch, he felt relieved when he realized that Isha wasn’t home. He didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness after the words that had been exchanged the previous night. His suitcases were already packed and all he wanted was to get out of the apartment before she returned with that annoying face and her barber shop haircut. And that irritating laugh of hers would probably ring in his head for the rest of his life. He couldn’t stand her snoring and had started sleeping on the couch. And who the heck eats that much every single morning? 

She had left the apartment early, not wanting to see him again. 

“I can’t stand that stupid smile of his!” she had said emphatically to Yash as they ordered breakfast. “It couldn’t be any more fake.”

"The asshole's innocent face had me completely fooled."

“Takes him longer to get dressed than me in the morning.”

“Why the hell can’t he take over the wheel once in a while? Do I look like his bloody chauffeur?”

And so their one year anniversary came and went. Life got better for both of them without the other being around. Everything that they had loved about each other became the very things that began getting on their nerves. 

“What did I ever see in him?” she thought.

“I must have lost my mind,” thought he.

And so dear reader, I come to the end of this story. And while you may think that the whole thing is made up, it is as real as you and I. You know what they say about familiarity. It really does breed contempt. 

Spring Cleaning

Turning off the alarm, he began rubbing his eyes gently as if they needed to be woken up in a separate manner. Even though it was a Saturday and Shiv didn’t have to go to work, it was a habit for him to set the alarm so he wouldn’t sleep past 9 am. Reaching out for his phone, he began checking out all the notifications from various apps. As soon as he kept the phone back on the bed, he picked it up again, knowing that there was one message he would read first. The message was almost two weeks old but he began his day by reading it, as if he had to be sure that this wasn’t a dream.

“I feel horrible doing this over text but I don’t have the courage to face you or even speak to you over the phone. I’ve met someone. Actually I met him the same week that you left. But until a few days ago, I didn’t realize that I had fallen in love with him. I don’t expect you to understand because sometimes even I don’t understand it myself. But this is as real as it gets and I have to be honest with you. I hope that we can get past this and be friends.”

Shiv had often wondered how long it must have taken her to write the message. It was well crafted, not something that she would have written in a rush. Did she really meet this person right after he had left or had it started before his move? After all he had only been gone for about 6 weeks. Can one fall in love and be so sure about it that quickly? Be certain enough to break up a relationship that was over a decade old? He hadn’t been able to fathom it. The words ‘this is as real as it gets’ had haunted him the most. It was as if she was mocking what had been between them, though he knew that it probably wasn’t her intention. 

They had met in college and somewhere during the ten years that they had known each other, their friendship had turned into love. He wondered if once the friendship line had been crossed, could one really go back to being friends again?

Shiv had never responded to Simi’s message and there hadn’t been any further communication from her. There was nothing that he wanted to say to her or even ask her. What would be the point of it? She had found ‘real’ love, something that had apparently never existed between them.

It suddenly struck him that today was Simi’s birthday. March 21st, the first day of spring. The previous year he had woken her up with a big bouquet of flowers that he had handpicked at the florist’s. He didn’t know the names of the flowers but the yellows and whites looked like spring to him. As much as he didn’t want to think about it, he couldn’t but help wondering what her morning had been like this year. 

Putting on his glasses he looked at the potted dahlia plant on the window sill, breaking into a slight smile as he noticed that yesterday’s bud had bloomed into a beautiful flower. It was the first gift he had received, shortly after he had moved into the city.

“Don’t forget to take good care of it,” Simi’s card had read. “This is my way of being with you.”
He continued to smile, thinking of the irony of those words. This is now the only way you will be with me.

And then all of a sudden Shiv picked up the potted dahlia, grabbed his apartment keys and still in his boxer shorts and T-shirt, got into the elevator. He walked across to the little garden in the apartment complex and set the flower down along with the other potted plants. You’re not my responsibility any longer, he thought. Someone else will take care of you.

The lady who lived across from his apartment was holding the elevator for him as he got in. She looked at his clothes and then at him questioningly. 

“Where are you coming from?” she asked.
Shiv let out a laugh, saying that there was some spring cleaning he had to get done.