Conversations - Remembering and Forgetting

Hey, what's going on?

Don't ask dude ....

Too late. Already asked

I'm cleaning out my closet

(laughs)

That doesn't sound like you at all

I found these jeans I had completely forgotten about

(pauses)

And guess what?

They still fit you perfectly

Hehe they do

That’s hardly a surprise. I don’t think you’ve gained even an ounce since college

(pauses)

Sooooo ….

Do you want to catch a movie this afternoon?

I can’t

Why not?

I promised myself I wasn’t going to step out of the house until I was done cleaning

Come on …

No seriously. I’ve just been putting this off for too long. I have no space left in my closet

How long does it take to clean out a closet?

Oh man. You have no idea. You should come see the mess

Should I?

No!!!!! Absolutely not!!!!!!

(laughs)

Why? What are you hiding in those closets?

Too many skeletons 

(pauses)

And it’s time for them to go!

Do I know any of these skeletons?

I’m not saying ….

Seriously … when will you be done?

Maybe we can catch up in the evening

No dude. Today is pretty much out of the question.

Cleaning sucks. Especially when you have no idea what needs to stay and what needs to go

I could help you decide

Nope

That was rude! You could at least pretend that I could be of help

Haven’t you known me long enough to know that I don’t pretend?

You've known me long enough to give me a peek into your closet

Okay I know this pink top is definitely going. No brainer

I didn’t think pink was your colour

It was a gift. And now it’s spent enough time taking space

(pauses)

You know what the problem with me is?

That’s a long list. Where would you like me to start?

Asshole!

Okay so what is the problem with you?

The problem is that most of what I have has a memory attached to them. Half the stuff I don’t even wear anymore

And so you can’t get rid of most of the stuff?

I guess I can. It just makes me nervous to lose those memory associations

So what are you saying?

I’m not sure

(pauses)

I’m a little afraid to forget possibly ...

But maybe it’s time to move on

Maybe it is. But how do I know for sure?

You don’t know for sure. Nobody knows for sure. But we make a decision to discard and move on.

Also, you didn’t tell me what the problem with you is?

Maybe I’m not ready to discard and move on. Maybe I want to keep holding on to those memories

For the rest of your life?

That's a little extreme, don't you think? 

(pauses)

How about until the next time I decide to clean out my closet

I have a feeling we'll be having the same conversation then too

You don't know that

How about you categorise the memories and get rid of some associations today?

How about you let me figure out what I need to do?

You’re being weird now

I am, right? I guess I’m getting rid of the jeans

The ones you can still fit into?

Yup. Those jeans

But why? If you can still wear them ….

That’s not the important part. The important thing is to move on

I want to check out your closets once you’re done

You’ll be surprised. They’ll be a lot emptier than you would expect

Spring Cleaning

Turning off the alarm, he began rubbing his eyes gently as if they needed to be woken up in a separate manner. Even though it was a Saturday and Shiv didn’t have to go to work, it was a habit for him to set the alarm so he wouldn’t sleep past 9 am. Reaching out for his phone, he began checking out all the notifications from various apps. As soon as he kept the phone back on the bed, he picked it up again, knowing that there was one message he would read first. The message was almost two weeks old but he began his day by reading it, as if he had to be sure that this wasn’t a dream.

“I feel horrible doing this over text but I don’t have the courage to face you or even speak to you over the phone. I’ve met someone. Actually I met him the same week that you left. But until a few days ago, I didn’t realize that I had fallen in love with him. I don’t expect you to understand because sometimes even I don’t understand it myself. But this is as real as it gets and I have to be honest with you. I hope that we can get past this and be friends.”

Shiv had often wondered how long it must have taken her to write the message. It was well crafted, not something that she would have written in a rush. Did she really meet this person right after he had left or had it started before his move? After all he had only been gone for about 6 weeks. Can one fall in love and be so sure about it that quickly? Be certain enough to break up a relationship that was over a decade old? He hadn’t been able to fathom it. The words ‘this is as real as it gets’ had haunted him the most. It was as if she was mocking what had been between them, though he knew that it probably wasn’t her intention. 

They had met in college and somewhere during the ten years that they had known each other, their friendship had turned into love. He wondered if once the friendship line had been crossed, could one really go back to being friends again?

Shiv had never responded to Simi’s message and there hadn’t been any further communication from her. There was nothing that he wanted to say to her or even ask her. What would be the point of it? She had found ‘real’ love, something that had apparently never existed between them.

It suddenly struck him that today was Simi’s birthday. March 21st, the first day of spring. The previous year he had woken her up with a big bouquet of flowers that he had handpicked at the florist’s. He didn’t know the names of the flowers but the yellows and whites looked like spring to him. As much as he didn’t want to think about it, he couldn’t but help wondering what her morning had been like this year. 

Putting on his glasses he looked at the potted dahlia plant on the window sill, breaking into a slight smile as he noticed that yesterday’s bud had bloomed into a beautiful flower. It was the first gift he had received, shortly after he had moved into the city.

“Don’t forget to take good care of it,” Simi’s card had read. “This is my way of being with you.”
He continued to smile, thinking of the irony of those words. This is now the only way you will be with me.

And then all of a sudden Shiv picked up the potted dahlia, grabbed his apartment keys and still in his boxer shorts and T-shirt, got into the elevator. He walked across to the little garden in the apartment complex and set the flower down along with the other potted plants. You’re not my responsibility any longer, he thought. Someone else will take care of you.

The lady who lived across from his apartment was holding the elevator for him as he got in. She looked at his clothes and then at him questioningly. 

“Where are you coming from?” she asked.
Shiv let out a laugh, saying that there was some spring cleaning he had to get done.