Tso Moriri, Ladakh

Tso Moriri, Ladakh

Saturday, November 26, 2016

The Healing

It’s been a while since I've posted a piece on my blog and I hope to change that going forward. You see, I’ve been too busy feeling sorry for myself all year and wasn’t being able to take time out to write - something that I love to do.

Many of you know that I met with a pretty bad accident last December, resulting in multiple fractures across the body, two surgeries and 6 months of recovery, getting me to the point where I could wobble around without a crutch. In a nutshell, it hasn’t been one of my most memorable years though it may be a reminder for a long time to come. 

So while I was going through being mad at the world, angry with God and asking ‘why me?’ constantly, my body was being a lot more sensible and healing itself. Since all of it was on the inside and x-ray glasses haven’t been invented (And why not? We’ve been to the moon but we can’t come up with a simple invention like this?), I wasn’t able to monitor any of the healing. Of course every time I went to the hospital and got a new set of x-rays, it did tell my doctor that I was getting better. While my shoulder and ribs healed a lot faster, the progress on my leg was very slow. Unfortunately the tibia is a slow bone to heal and fractures on the lower part, take even longer. And being old doesn’t exactly help. As an aside, I had never thought of myself as old until this happened. 

So the six months of agony passed and the day finally arrived when my doctor gave me permission to start walking on my own. Meanwhile I had convinced myself that my life was over, I would never walk again, I would never travel again etc etc. So while my body was doing it’s job of fixing itself, my mind was completely messing me up. 

In theory I should have been positive, strong, confident about getting well. Instead I had all the negative thoughts possible. And let me tell you - this mind of ours is a very powerful and dangerous tool and thinks up all kinds of ‘what if’ scenarios. Believe me, I probably thought of every single one of them, idiot that I am. 

Once I began walking, using my arm and shoulder again, one would think that my life was good. While I was doing much better physically, mentally I was still in a very dark place. I had got so used to being sad, it was really hard for me to be happy. I had got so used to feeling sorry for myself that even though I had begun moving around on my own, I was convinced that something else was going to happen to me. God didn’t want me to be happy any longer. I was being punished. I was a bad person. I would never have a good life again. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. Yes I was clinically depressed. 

The good news here is that while we have the power to be miserable by listening to our negative thoughts, we also have the ability to change our thinking. I began seeing a healer, reading books about positivity, the mind, spirituality. I had towers of books brought to me by my loved ones, that I began going through. I began understanding the power of meditation, affirmations, of keeping the mind still, of chanting and praying not just for myself, but for all my loved ones and the people I knew were in pain. 

My family and closest friends stood by me constantly, cheering me up or just being with me (many times virtually), sometimes listening to my nonsense and other times sharing my silence. People I hadn’t met in a long while came into my life by themselves, bringing positivity in various ways. I began hearing about their problems and how they had overcome them or were in the process. People I barely knew shared intimate details about their difficult lives. 

Beginning to understand that I wasn’t the ‘chosen one’, I took it upon myself to re-train my mind to be positive. To start laughing again and living my life. It hasn’t been that easy but when you put your ‘mind’ to it, it’s doable. I’m not saying that I’m a 100% healed, either physically or mentally. However, now I know that I am definitely getting there. 

Being a private person, it’s not easy for me to share this. I’m good at sharing travel pictures but not my feelings. I felt that if my experience can help even one person, it will be worthwhile. I realize now that most of us have stresses in our lives, regardless of what our Facebook page would like our 'friends' to believe. Our lives go through both good and bad times. Sometimes the bad times stay with us for a while and that’s when we find out if we are able to deal with them or not. I could be a case study on being negative during a physical recovery. 

Somewhere I read a quote saying “I’m not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become”. 
I choose to be happy and at peace.

If you have a comment or something you'd like to say, please send me an email at ratan.sethi@gmail.com. I get easily embarrassed in a public forum. 

21 comments:

Mrs Norris said...

''I guess that I wanted to say that things that we ordinarily would see as quite fragile aren't necessarily that fragile,'' he says. ''It's true of the glasses, and it's true of me. I got bent, I got busted around a lot, but I'm still here.''
Reminded me of this man, your dark places. http://www.nytimes.com/2000/08/13/magazine/what-is-stephen-king-trying-to-prove.html

Unknown said...

Tight hugs ratan. I'm so sorry this happened to you. And it's so great that you have been able to come out of it. To be able to learn from everything that happens to us is why we are here on this earth. Hope to meet you in person and talk about it. Love. Shonali

Unknown said...

I have been your fan, missed you when you were off, am bigger fan of you now, keep going Ratan! Keep writing.

Guddu said...

Nicely written TM. Loved it!

Sarbari said...

Very nice write up Tini. This is the Tini that I have always known. Lots of hugs and love. Sarbari

comment_raja said...

So glad you are ok. i was happy to be the first one to go out for your first dinner out of the house and i was thrilled to see you up and about on your feet.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks for the link Mrs. Norris. I had no idea that Stephen King had met with such a serious accident. Good to get a perspective of someone who has been through similar trauma and be thankful for the recovery and life I have ahead of me.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Shonali you have been on my mind. I'll get in touch with you via email and yes I hope to see you in person. Hopefully soon. Lots to talk.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks so much Madhavi. I'm happy to have a consistent fan haha! Hope you're doing well.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks Guddu :)

Normal People Worry Me said...

Yes you were my first dinner date Comment Raja!! Now that I'm all okay, be careful because you know I will come and be one of those guests in New York that never leave!! Just kidding. Hope to see you soon.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks Sarbari, especially for the love. Right back at you.

Naresh said...

Mighty brave of you, Ratan. It takes a lot of guts to come out and share things you have. Am glad you are in a very good place now. Will catch up hopefully soon. Cheerio.

Kalyan said...

Hey ratan,
I could relate to your blog deeply my brother!!
I guess acceptance is a great beginning. What helped me heal was to have super small goals, and to be ruthless with "can not".
These moments give us the much needed time to reflect on what really matters, and to gradually lose ourselves into what matters.
Just reminding you, you are blessed to be seeing what you are seeing now.
See far and wide my friend!!!
Lots of love to you. Kalyan

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks Naresh. I figured I had to redeem myself before the year was over with a little bravery.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks for your lovely message Kalyan. You are a role model anyway and I hope to see you soon.
Much love back to you

Anonymous said...

You never struck me as a quitter and while I was not there through your ordeal, pain is not foreign to me. Physical, spiritual and emotional, that was my trifecta and it seems like you were in the same race. The race to survival Depression I have always felt is anger without enthusiasm and while you may not feel like you finished in first place, you were/are in the race to survive your physical and emotional demons. Grab the swords of your friendships and family and know that they are raised and ready for battle. I may have come late to the blog, but know that I raise my sword for you my beloved!!

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thank you for your words Elsa and I often thought of the pain that you have been and survived through.
Yes it's my loving family and friends that have got me thru it all and I hope that I am a better and stronger human being as a result.

Carol Rice said...

This was a very moving Post. I think that we experience "pain and suffering" to Soften our Hearts so that we might Help and Understand the Suffering of Others. Keep counting the Blessings in your Life dear Ratan. You have so much to Share and Teach and Heal Others ... I'm excited and feel Blessed to be following your Journey through IG and your Blog Spot.

Normal People Worry Me said...

Thanks Carol. Whatever the reason may be, I have to move on with a positive attitude, shun my fears and make the most of what life has in store for me. I'm really glad we've become friends and hope you can make it to Bangalore sometime in your India travels.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the lovely post Ratan. So glad to know that you bore the suffering with so much courage and came out so strong and positive. It is an inspiration for all of us.
Arun