Many of you have been enquiring as to why I haven’t been writing my blog. The reason is that I am completely uninspired in Bangalore. This is a city that I’ve loved for a few years but have outgrown it. In this phase of my questioning life, it has very little to offer me. This morning I was reading the review of a just-released-in-the-US movie called '$9.99'. The movie is about how a booklet that costs under $10 gives you answers to the meaning of life and how it changes the lives of a few people! Ha! If only it was that simple ….
I’ve been wondering about the existence of mankind as a whole and my life in particular for the past couple of years. Apparently I’m not an exception as I used to believe and have come across a number of people, mostly during my travels and some right here in Bangalore, wondering what our lives are all about. Is there a higher purpose or are we basically here to make a career, support our families and eventually grow old and die? Or in other words, make our lives more comfortable while continuing the cycle of life.
No mean feat – some people do it better than others. Our education or business acumen determines our success in our careers as we pass those benefits on to our children. The way we were brought up determines how we bring up our children and just like at work, some do a better job than others, while some fail miserably. Behavioral patterns passed on to the next generation – some of us turn into our parents while others make a conscious effort of fighting those traits. Mostly with the intention of successfully raising their children.
I come across more and more people who are choosing to remain single. A few of my closest friends while growing up in Calcutta, as well as some of my newer friends in Bangalore have never been married. Thanks to Facebook, I am now in touch with many of my co-workers from when I first started my career and am a little surprised at the number that chose to remain single. A lot of people are of the opinion that single people bury themselves into their careers because what else are they going to do anyway. Most of my friends are leading very interesting lives, playing sports, making time for their hobbies, going back to school to pursue learning that does not have a correlation to making money, traveling etc. Oh yeah and also working to maintain a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. Sounds familiar? And here I thought that I was the oddball!
My question here is ‘do single people have a different purpose since we don’t have the responsibility of ensuring that our children turn out to be bright and good human beings who will eventually be an asset, in whatever small way, to the world at large?’
(Or more realistically, bring up our kids in a way that they will take care of us when we grow old and insecure?)
Or do we just make the most of our single status and lead frivolous but fun lives, having only ourselves to worry about?
While I am totally ‘for’ fun and intend having the best time until I have my health and enough in the bank, something in the back of my mind tells me that there is more.
While I feel blessed that I am able to see the world, meet different kinds of people, work when I want to and by and large live life according to my terms, that irritating little 'something in the back of my mind tells me that there is even more'.
Something more that I can use my skills for, make an impact and leave a little part of me behind.
I'm curious to get your thoughts and opinions. If you think I'm an idiot, I want to hear that too! Just back it up with why you think so.
Is there more to life than what I’ve been blabbering about in the last few paragraphs?
I’m fairly certain that there is more to my life. And I’m going to find out what the heck it is, even if it kills me!
12 comments:
a scientist would probably tell you that, it can basically be summed up as a combined effect of social conformation pressure, biological drive to ensure your genes pass on to the next generation, etc etc. But spartan explanations are not always right. I would like to believe that whats important is not to find out IF there is something more to life. The fact that you are getting the nagging feeling that there must be something more, is whats most important here. It obviously indicates that you want more than the usual things that you have been doing.
you have done many of the things that you wanted to do, in that you have achieved more than most people ever dream of. So why not try what most people do with their lives? it can be n number of things of course. Unless you are lucky enough to get an epiphany like a lightning strike, the only logical and sensible way is to try all the things you havnt(within reasonable limits of course, not telling you to do things that would risk your life) .
who knows you might just find some purpose out of that. I am not sure my rambling helped, but in my defense, i tried! hope you are doing well. I have been insanely busy btw, will write you a mail soon.
One clarification: Being married does not necessarily mean having/raising kids. In my opinion, leading an interesting life or doing the things that one wants to do can be done as easily by being single or by being married. Raising kids is a different matter though. IMHO, the whole concept of raising kids is an ego trip, fueled by a couple's vanity to spread their genetic material in the overall genepool.
As far as the meaning of life is concerned, a wise man once said that the answer was 42. Perhaps, what he was trying to say was that its not the answer but the question that we're seeking. I don't mean to sound glib about this or to spout banalities, but I firmly believe that in trying to find the answer or the question, the one thing that will fuel us is our attempt to keep learning and mentally expanding. We don't need to physically travel to take in life experiences, but it helps. Oh, and a good bottle of Shiraz helps too.
Cheers,
arun
What an interesting post and you certainly have a gift for writing. I agree that being single has many benefits, but the greatest benefit that I find is using my extra time and talents to help others. Just last night I spent the evening working with 18 - 20+ year olds teaching them to cook. We had a great time and I think they actually learned something. We cooked, ate and shared fellowship together.
The apostle Paul writes: "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13 NLT
Find what you like to do and use it to help others - that's what I think. Stop trying to find out the purpose of life and live it. Thanks for listening!
If you ever saw the play The King and I, you'll recall this famous line "...if you become a teacher, by your students you'll be taught..."
Nothing is more challenging or rewarding than teaching. Often you don't see the fruits of your labor until years down the road. But the impact will multiply, even after you are long gone.
I hope you are still receiving The New Yorker. The issue before this one is devoted to fiction. There was an awesome article about Bruno Schultz, who unfortunately did not survive the Holocaust. He wrestled with many of the issues you address in your essay. I myself wrestle with these issues. For me they become even more significant as you enter (or live in) Act III or have had the grim reaper knock, knock, knock and you just refused to let him in!
You'll find the answer(s), my friend. It just may take some time. Meanwhile all your friends appreciate your sharing your pensive thoughts with us. All the best, Susan
Very nice post! The thought of what's the purpose of my life is there in everyone's mind. Being single actually is a blessing. The family responsibilities of a married life gives happiness and satisfaction. But if i look back and think it is not really the purpose of my life. Its more due to social pressure.. this is the right way to live. That's what we hear from parents and elders. If they say its the right way to lead your life, we try to believe the same.
I still haven't still figured out whats the purpose of my life. But for now i feel the purpose of my life is to do small things that can make a difference in someones life or do something to make someone smile.
I am really happy and content due to this happiness.
At the risk of sounding like a know-it-all, this life is certainly not just to eat, drink and be merry. (Although that has it's place too). If indeed our purpose was to simply exist and maximise our pleasures while we are here, that would make us nothing but glorified cows and pigs.
What! Did you then think that We had created you in vain... (Quran Ch 23: Verse:115 )
What is the life of this world but amusement and play?; (Quran Ch 29: Verse:64)
So what's our purpose and is the purpose of those who are single different from those that are married?
I have found peace with these questions in different answers:
First Answer:
The purpose of this life is growth. It's progression. As long as you are growing, becoming a better you tomorrow than you are today, you are achieving your purpose of life. Growth comes in many dimensions. You can make yourself stronger physically, intellectually and/or spiritually. The book The Power of full engagment comes to mind here, that discusses a bit how to do that.
Think about it. The ability to become better, is another thing that differentiates us from animals. And if we are to become better, we cannot do it alone, we need the whole of humanity to think and feel the same way. We would need to work extra hard to presere the planet that we live in. If that indeed is our purpose then the whole of humanity progresses.
Second Answer:
Realise that everyone has an inner purpose and an outer purpose. Although everyone's outer purpose may differ, everyone's inner purpose is the same and that is to know yourself, (Eckhart Tolle's, A New Earth pops to mind here.) To know who you are the below questions are helpful:
- Where have you come from?
(because you certainly did not come from nothing)
- Where are you heading towards?
(whether you like it or not or agree with it or not, you are moving, progressing in some direction intentionally or inadvertently)
- What brings you permanent, everlasting pleasure and happiness?
- What is it that brings you permanent everlasting sadness and gloom?
Once you have fulfilled your inner purpose, your outer purpose won't matter any more. Yet, you are not just a spiritual being and are stuck in this time space continuum. Hence you have got to have an outer purpose too. Ali has written this excellent blog post on fulfilling your outer purpose . In summary these questions can help you find your Outer Purpose:
- What are my unique Talents?
- How can I use my unique talents to serve others (such as family and community)?
- What gives me peak experiences and Joy?
- What would I be doing if I had just 6 months to live?
- What would I be doing, if I had all the time and money in the world?
- What do I love to do?
- What are the top values I believe in and uphold the most?
But remember, you will still not find peace, if you have not found your inner purpose first.
In conclusion, singles don't have a different purpose from those who are married. Some find their peace in marriage and kids, others don't. Being married for two and a half years and a father of a 6 month old, I can find myself progressing in dimensions that I couldn't have if I had remained single.
Welcome back to Bangalore, Ratan. Let's catchup for a cup of coffee either this week or next and we can chat on this further.
Arif
Ratan, just one more thing, I have found lots of guidance and direction from books (whether they cost $9.99 or $14.99). I wouldn't dismiss them too quickly.
I feel your quest to find "Is there something more to life?...", is really coming from your heart. Answers to the questions of Heart(soul) can only be answered from divine guidance. The most authentic guidance for whole of humankind is the last and final revelation from our soulmaker is Al Quran. Please read it unbiased of its followers. Most muslims (includes me) are poor followers of Quran.
This is what Quran says about ..Something More...
3:190-193 Al-Quran
Most surely in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day there are signs for men who understand.
Those who remember Allah standing and sitting and lying on their sides and reflect on the creation of the heavens and the earth: Our Lord! Thou hast not created this in vain! Glory be to Thee; save us then from the chastisement of the fire
Our Lord! surely whomsoever Thou makest enter the fire, him Thou hast indeed brought to disgrace, and there shall be no helpers for the unjust
----
Regards,
Imtiyaj (Products Entrepreneur-Bangalore)
Hey
was randomly blog surfing and came upon your site!!!
Enjoyed reading the post.. cos i too have chosen to be single and am happy about the choice.. am not closed to marriage,but am not despo/nor do i feel my life has no purpose cos am single..bla bla..[inspite of many friends taunting me abt how am growing old and need to marry, etc etc..]
Am enjoying life to the full, doing things i love doing- travelling, freelancing, taking a break whenever i feel like and basically living it acc to my will!! Does this mean am responsible free?Nope, i have my share of responsibilities..at home & otherwise!! :)
Just chillax n enjoy each day as it comes!!:) worry not!!
and err, am sure my friends will agree when i say - marriage is not abt having babies/caring for em etc..!!:D
Thanks for all your comments! Arun and Aarti, I did think about those who marry but choose not to have children. But it's still a minority!
Arif, I wasn't minimizing the power of books at all. They in fact are among my group of best friends.
Finally, I want to say that I spent all of 30 minutes writing this post. Which means I didn't dwell on it for too long. I'm enjoying the comments I've got both out here and on Facebook and have obviously hit upon a subject that is in a lot of our minds.
Ratan, you wrote this 8 years ago ...
I wonder how you feel about this Question today ? Have you found the Answer ?
Not really Carol. I figured I'd just live my life in the best way I can and not think about it too much.
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