Until a couple of years ago I felt that I was going to live in Bangalore for the rest of my life. At the time I hadn’t counted on evolving and having different expectations as time went on. More importantly, I hadn't discovered 'living in New York'!
Two months ago after I returned from my 16 month stint in New York some people asked me whether I thought Bangalore had changed. My response to that was that I didn’t know if Bangalore had changed or not but I sure had!
I feel that Bangalore doesn’t offer me the kind of life that I would like to live. In addition, after living in a little apartment in New York, the size of my penthouse is beginning to embarrass me. I question myself as to why I need to have so much space. If I could have my way, I would sell my apartment and move into a more modest sized one. Unfortunately with the economy going through a time of turmoil, the practical side of me tells me that this is not the time to sell.
It’s been two months since I returned and I’m still unsettled. In one of my previous posts I had mentioned that I felt like a New Yorker the day I moved in. I am however, not feeling like a Bangalorean in spite of having lived here for several years and having felt it previously.
Some of my friends in the US had warned me that I was going back too soon. And although in my heart of hearts I too was afraid of the same, I thought that once I came back I would forget it all and be happy here.
Why is it that Bangalore doesn’t feel like home any longer? What is it that I miss about New York that I would like it to be home at this stage of my life? Here’s a list of things that come to my mind.
- More than anything I miss the energy of that city. I have never felt more alive than when I was in New York.
- I miss the variety of people one gets to see and meet. Walking on the streets, being in the subway in a city made up of Caucasians, African-Americans, Hispanics, South East Asians, South Asians, etc.
- I miss being in the culture capital of the world – Broadway, art exhibits, book launches, movie premiers, writing workshops ….
- Central Park. It was such an integral part of my year – my escape from the hustle and bustle, when I wanted to enjoy the weather and read my book, walking through Strawberry fields, Bethesda fountain, the vibrant change in colors from the lush greens, the purples, yellows, oranges to the bare browns or the snow covered stark white.
- I miss walking to the bank, the grocery store, the post office, the barber shop, the cleaners, the restaurants …. I just miss walking in New York!
- I miss the variety of restaurants, the New York style pizza, the over-hyped Magnolia cup cakes, the best pancakes that I’ve ever had at the W and the Four Seasons, the Martinis, Chinatown, Little Italy, the absence of chain restaurants, the overwhelming presence of Sushi places, Sunday brunches etc.
- I miss the eye candy!
- I miss my Upper West Side neighborhood, the C train, the Red line, SOHO, Greenwich Village, Riverside Park. I even miss Times Square!!!!
I mentioned to a friend in New York over chat yesterday that I was considering moving back. Her response was that I was crazy and I asked what was wrong with that. To which she said ‘Absolutely nothing! It’s completely okay to be crazy!’
I don’t know if I’m actually going to move. Two weeks from today I may wake up and feel wonderful about being here. I do know that I Heart New York and isn’t that where home is supposed to be?
8 comments:
Go do it. At least you wont regret not having done it. I may lose a friend out here in Bangalore but would gain another one in NY. And of course...I now would have an apartment available when I visit !!!!
It is a great city, and for a person like you who likes many forms of art, I cant think of a better place.
I think you should plan on moving back!
You were very happ in NY - however, towards the nd of your stay you were restless and wanted to get back to India.
Give yourself some more time - maybe March will offer something totally new and exciting!
Dude.... why did you move back to India? There were reasons, right? Do you need some time to see if they were REAL reasons? It seems that you are "homesick" now, but perhaps have blurred your vision as to why it made sense for you to return to India. Give it some thought, weigh your needs and desires, take the time necessary to do that and, if it makes sense, make your plans to come back to NYC. YOU will have friends anywhere and everywhere you go.
Finally! I'm glad u are thinking of this. And we welcome u back to the big apple with open arms.But knowing u, you never know :)
I probably am in a similar situation and have been for the past few years - only the thought of moving back to India scares me a bit as I have much more baggage. You on the other hand, can have the luxury to decide and move where you feel you belong and I guess that's the question you need to ask yourself -"Where do I belong?"
Once you've answered that, you can make your next move - easy as it sounds, might not be practical.
So far in your life, you have done exactly what you planned to do - I remember 2 years ago, you were all ready to move to NYC for a year and a bit, and then return to India. But if you cannot consider it home and are unhappy and restless - go where your heart takes you - remember we only live once - and "happiness too, is where the heart is!"
Sometimes, however, moving back might not give you the satisfaction that you had when you went there first. Look back at your experiences - when you first moved to Chicago from Calcutta - the experience was different, new and probaly exciting; similarly when you moved back to India, a different experience - again back to the US - something out of the unexpected - back to Bangalore - unhappy - what makes you think that moving back to NYC would map up to your expectations!!!!!!!!!Another question for you?
I have gone through similar experiences and when in India, I miss Australia and when here, miss India...I ask myself this question very often - "what am I doing here?" sometimes I really don't know where I belong----do you?
I hope you return soon. You enrich my life a great deal.
Maybe you should get yourself a job that lets you spend 6 months of the year here in Bangalore and 6 months in NY.... I had a friend who did that. It will be taxing - moving every six months, but you get the best of both worlds.... just a suggestion!
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