Dial-an-Escort

While I’m perfectly content with the life that I have, sometimes I get these brilliant ideas for a career that I could possibly enjoy. The most recent one being that of offering myself as an escort. Now before you start visualizing sexual favors for money, let me tell you that this escort service is of another kind. So let me start from the beginning. 

Most of you that have met me are aware that not only am I a pretty face, I am also intelligent, interesting, charming and crazy witty. A complete package and exactly the kind of person you’d like to have sitting across from you at a nice restaurant. The thing that could improve your average dining experience by leaps and bounds, would be some arm candy/a trophy friend, enticing conversation and loads of laughs. In other words - me. 

Are you so bored with your life that watching the grass grow seems like a fun activity? When was the last time you laughed so hard, you not only snorted but almost peed in your pants? Do you worry too much about what ‘other people might think’ resulting in never acting incredibly silly? I’m here to save the day and make you laugh so much that your jaws will hurt. And if you are the ‘peeing in your pants’ kind, I’ll even provide you with an adult diaper. 

Are you going through a difficult phase in your life? Does work suck more than usual? Is your married life so dull that you can’t even remember why you guys got together in the first place? Don’t despair - instead of an evening of fun and laughter, I also offer counseling services. Trust me, I can dish out that ‘feel good’ crap as well as the next loony psychiatrist. God knows I do enough of it already. A list of references can be furnished from across the world. 

On the other hand, if you’re simply looking for a mature and sophisticated man to have a nice meal with, I can be that guy too. Although this would be at a slightly higher cost. ‘Immature’ and ‘unsophisticated’ is what I do best. 

And finally, in the mood for some role playing? Get creative and let’s discuss.

Some rules:

The first rule of the escort service is that you do not talk about the escort service. What happens between the client and me stays between the client and me. You get the gist. 

Alcohol is important at these sessions. With each drink I have, I get funnier/smarter.     With each drink that you have, you will find me funnier and turn stupider. 

Chauffeur service, wining-dining expenses will be completely borne by the client. 

The amount I charge will be at my discretion. If you’re rich, you pay me loads of money. 

If you’re not rich, call me once you’ve saved a significant sum.

Examples of topics that will under no circumstances be discussed: Software/IT/anything related  to technology, Finance/Investments/Money Matters (except for the amount you owe me). For a full list, email me. 

No credit cards, no cheques - cash only. In advance. 

No refunds. 

I have the complete right of refusal with no obligation to offer a reason (body odor, lack of a sense of humor, payment in loose change are only some of the possible reasons).

Rules may be added/changed at my discretion.

So what are you waiting for? Is this not the answer to all your prayers? Call me now at 1-800-RATMAN for an evening so enticing, you will wish you could afford to have me all the time. 

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