Tso Moriri, Ladakh

Tso Moriri, Ladakh

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Home is Where the Heart is - the Sequel

I know the previous post was supposed to be my last for the year. But it wasn’t. So shoot me!

This one is basically to respond to all of you that reacted to my last post either by leaving a comment, sending me an email, calling or chatting with me online. In this post I will just respond to the comments and that should also take care of the emails that I received.

Naresh – I appreciate the encouragement but I’m not moving back to New York. At least not yet. You are however, still going to lose a friend in Bangalore as I’m not staying here either!

Aparna – I can’t believe you actually put a public comment out there. It was great spending the time with you in New York and briefly in Chicago – even though I’ve decided against moving back (for now), I will still see you in 2009 when I visit.

Madhu – You’re right I was restless towards the end but I think a short visit back would have taken care of that state of mind! Also the fact that I was running out of cash could have had something to do with my restlessness!

Mike – Dude … I honestly had no good reason to move back when I did. My plan was to spend a year or so in New York. I thought I was done and should try something new. I still had my house/car etc back in Bangalore so I hadn’t really gone with the intention of staying for too long. I especially hadn’t counted on falling in love with the city!

Rashi – Its funny how you’ve known me for such a short time and you still know me well enough to say ‘but knowing you, you never know’. So true. The last thing I want to be is predictable! I do appreciate the welcome with open arms and hope to see you guys in 2009.

Sheetal – I don’t think I have an issue with feeling a sense of belonging. I’ve never felt that I didn’t belong in any of the places that I’ve lived in but I’ve also never felt that I belonged in New York as much as I did! As my friend Elsa put it - “it’s love”. I think it is. But sometimes one has to work to obtain one’s love and that’s what I need to do right now!

Susan – That was such a sweet comment. I was truly touched. Who knew that two strangers sitting across from each other at the airport would become good friends and have so much in common.

Uma – I’m at a point where I don’t think I could live in Bangalore for 6 months in a year. I think that I’m pretty much done with this city!

So are you wondering what I’ve decided to do in place of moving to New York? I hope that I’ve perked up your curiosity. I will reveal my plans to you in the New Year. Meanwhile have a safe and enjoyable time on the 31st night/1st morning and I hope that 2009 brings us all peace and a better economy.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Home is Where the Heart is!

Until a couple of years ago I felt that I was going to live in Bangalore for the rest of my life. At the time I hadn’t counted on evolving and having different expectations as time went on. More importantly, I hadn't discovered 'living in New York'!

Two months ago after I returned from my 16 month stint in New York some people asked me whether I thought Bangalore had changed. My response to that was that I didn’t know if Bangalore had changed or not but I sure had!

I feel that Bangalore doesn’t offer me the kind of life that I would like to live. In addition, after living in a little apartment in New York, the size of my penthouse is beginning to embarrass me. I question myself as to why I need to have so much space. If I could have my way, I would sell my apartment and move into a more modest sized one. Unfortunately with the economy going through a time of turmoil, the practical side of me tells me that this is not the time to sell.

It’s been two months since I returned and I’m still unsettled. In one of my previous posts I had mentioned that I felt like a New Yorker the day I moved in. I am however, not feeling like a Bangalorean in spite of having lived here for several years and having felt it previously.

Some of my friends in the US had warned me that I was going back too soon. And although in my heart of hearts I too was afraid of the same, I thought that once I came back I would forget it all and be happy here.

Why is it that Bangalore doesn’t feel like home any longer? What is it that I miss about New York that I would like it to be home at this stage of my life? Here’s a list of things that come to my mind.

- More than anything I miss the energy of that city. I have never felt more alive than when I was in New York.

- I miss the variety of people one gets to see and meet. Walking on the streets, being in the subway in a city made up of Caucasians, African-Americans, Hispanics, South East Asians, South Asians, etc.

- I miss being in the culture capital of the world – Broadway, art exhibits, book launches, movie premiers, writing workshops ….

- Central Park. It was such an integral part of my year – my escape from the hustle and bustle, when I wanted to enjoy the weather and read my book, walking through Strawberry fields, Bethesda fountain, the vibrant change in colors from the lush greens, the purples, yellows, oranges to the bare browns or the snow covered stark white.

- I miss walking to the bank, the grocery store, the post office, the barber shop, the cleaners, the restaurants …. I just miss walking in New York!

- I miss the variety of restaurants, the New York style pizza, the over-hyped Magnolia cup cakes, the best pancakes that I’ve ever had at the W and the Four Seasons, the Martinis, Chinatown, Little Italy, the absence of chain restaurants, the overwhelming presence of Sushi places, Sunday brunches etc.

- I miss the eye candy!

- I miss my Upper West Side neighborhood, the C train, the Red line, SOHO, Greenwich Village, Riverside Park. I even miss Times Square!!!!

I mentioned to a friend in New York over chat yesterday that I was considering moving back. Her response was that I was crazy and I asked what was wrong with that. To which she said ‘Absolutely nothing! It’s completely okay to be crazy!’

I don’t know if I’m actually going to move. Two weeks from today I may wake up and feel wonderful about being here. I do know that I Heart New York and isn’t that where home is supposed to be?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

War and Peace


On the night of November 26th I was in Amritsar with my sister and brother-in-law. Although we had spent considerable time at the Golden Temple during the day, I decided to go back later that night. There weren’t too many people at that hour and the experience was completely different from the previous one, when a much larger crowd of devotees and tourists were at this remarkable site. I felt at peace mesmerized by the sight of the temple amidst the calmness of the lake that it sits on. The temple is surrounded by marvels of architecture with entrances on all sides signifying the importance of acceptance and openness. It’s said that one cannot visit the Golden Temple until one receives a bulava or an invitation from the Almighty and I felt truly blessed to have been on His invitee list.

In another part of the country, at exactly the time that I was feeling so good about being alive, terror had begun striking. The streets of South Mumbai were being riddled with bullets, a very uncommon occurrence (at least I don’t ever remember it happening previously but what do I know?). Although I was alarmed when I watched the news later that night in my hotel room, I eventually went to bed dismissing the entire incident as being no more than a gang war.

The morning news was of a completely different nature by which time the terrorists had taken over prestigious hotels in the heart of the city and a building that housed Israeli nationals, having killed many and holding others hostage. The entire experience of watching it on television was surreal. Like a bad action movie, poorly edited and much too long. Except the people in the midst of it were real and not actors. Was this the ultimate reality show in extremely bad taste?

In a world population of approximately 6.7 billion we have a miniscule percentage of terrorists that are creating havoc. Why is it that 99.99999% of ‘us’ are not able to get rid of .00001% of ‘them’? Why are the political agendas stronger than safety agendas? Why is it that we have to spend billions to incorporate security measures when we could spend a lot less to terrorize and finish them? What is it going to take? Isn't this really enough?

Are we going to light a candle, wear white for a day, participate in a protest rally and go back to our seemingly unmemorable lives, struggling to survive, saving to make the next big purchase, wanting a meal in the most talked about restaurant-of-the-week and wondering (fleetingly) if the subway/mall/theatre that we’re in could blow up at any time?

At this point I have no great ideas as to what we can do as individuals. What I do know is that we must not forget that terrorism is a part of our lives until terrorism is eliminated. We must voice our anger, our need for safety, demand the implementation of security measures and very importantly look out for each other as good human beings. When I read about the employees of the Taj and Oberoi who gave up their lives to protect their customers, it completely amazed me. In such a situation one would think that they would have tried to protect themselves first but instead these were unarmed servers, chefs, administrative staff who put the lives of their customers first. It’s only thanks to such heroes that we still have faith in humanity.

The terrorist attacks of November 26th are being called India’s 9/11. Do we need a label for the incident? I’m fine with a label as long as we take it as seriously as 9/11 was taken by the US. As Indians, most of us are cynical about what we should expect from our political system. However, we have to be resilient and ensure that this isn’t ‘just another attack’. Enough IS enough. Make your voices heard. Fight the evil.

Peace must take over.